Turn on the Light

i’m a little bit drunk on you and high on summertime

well, i guess that’s that.

i had grabbed the strings

ready to tie them and leave it all behind

i was ready for it all to be over

but something stopped me

kept me from fully tying the last knot

was it the promise of summer?

the hope of summer?

the want for summer?

you did nothing to make me want to tie the knot

but then bam

you tied the knot for me

well, i guess that’s that.

Nothing to Say

It is safe to say that I have nothing to say.

I’ve been thinking, skewing, wondering; trying to find some words.

But there’s nothing interesting.

I’m just bobbing up and down in my placid life. 

Nothing is making me mad.

Nothing is making me sad. 

Nothing is making me happy.

Nothing is making me explode.

I just am. 

Just waiting for something to come and break up the daily routine.

Help

I’m trapped in a never-ending cycle…..

After all of this time, why do I still think we were meant to be?

i don’t even know who you are anymore.

i know who you were.

i know who you are in my dreams.

i know who i want you to be. 

but it’s been so long. 

i don’t think i know you anymore. 

fear.

you know that feeling when you lie in bed and you can’t fall asleep because too much is on your mind?

begging the thoughts to stop, but they just keep on coming. 

well, this was the case last night. however, i didn’t try to stop the thoughts because i longed for sleep, i just didn’t want to think the thoughts i was thinking.

i think i had an epiphany. i think.

i lay in bed wondering WHY it is so damn hard for me to forget about you. you from my past who loves to torment my thoughts. 

do i really miss you?

i thought about this question long and hard…

and i think the answer was no. i mean yes-but not in the way i did before.

so then why can’t i just let it go?

why is it so hard for me to move on?

and i think i found the answer. 

i think i’m afraid. 

i’m afraid of what leaving you behind means.

maybe i’m afraid i will forget. 

or maybe i’m afraid of feeling truly alone for the first time. 

or maybe i’m afraid right when i let you go you’ll come running back. 

or perhaps that i’ll never love again the way that i loved you. 

i can’t say exactly what it is that i’m afraid of, i’m afraid of something. 

and i just wish you or SOMEONE would give me the courage to move on. 

Facade

She presents herself to the world with a smile on her face. She’s happy, crazy, the wildcard. She’s always down for a good time. Let’s do something crazy, let’s go. But what noone sees is what’s behind the face, beneath the crazy hair and sassy remarks. There lies a heart and a brain both ready to explode. A heart ready to explode because she’s in love. A brain ready to explode because she knows she shouldn’t be. A mind full of questions. Why? When? What if? What does this mean? What is this? This picture of a carefree girl is merely a facade, a facade of a girl who is trying so hard to be happy, but can’t be without him.